I checked into my hostel and opened the door into my room. I was instantly greeted with the most beautiful fully tattooed girl. The conversation flowed effortlessly. This was a positive start to my time in Berlin. After a quick scroll through Meetup, Couchsurfing and Google I made my mind up that I’d start the evening with a meditation class then make my way to a club called KitKat because there was no dress code and I could wear my jean shorts (rad). In the back of my mind I knew there was a tab of LSD in my wallet. I’d been waiting for the right time to take it for a week or so. I decided to take half and then carry on with my evening. Half turned into the whole thing because ‘fuck it yolo’. I jumped on the bus and started making my way to meditation. I could start to feel the very subtle come up, I was beginning to hear and understand multiple conversations going on around me. The sounds were exaggerated and small noises would sound louder than I knew they were. When I arrived at the class I was 13 minutes late and they had already began introductions. They were all in a rug warehouse and we were all sitting on a 1m high rug pile. It was a very cosy setting. I was definitely feeling zoned out when asked to introduce myself. As I spoke I could hear myself talking effortlessly and what I was saying was perfect for the situation. My mind however was comprehending a much bigger picture. I started hearing people's body language and seeing them manifest into the physical form of their emotional state. The guided meditation started and I instantly felt at ease. The lady running it had spent 5 years meditating in Burma and followed the Buddhist way of life. During the class I felt myself enter deep silence. It was represented as completely white with an occasional rainbow pattern that would float over like a cloud. These were my thoughts passing by without any attachment. Then a whisper would come to my right hand side. The whisper would change into horrific mouths that were red on a black background. The blood and razor sharp teeth would be very predominant. I could walk the line between these two modes. But I couldn’t stay in the beautiful silence world without the ‘dark’ whisper taking over. I recognised this as the struggle between the two worlds most people live although it was absolute extreme ends of the scale. The understanding came over me as to how I can easily transform the ‘fear’ side into something I like. I started distorting the way the darkness appeared and transformed it into a place by a river, surrounded by trees. It became my friend. This moment was instantly transformed into what I can only describe as the Nth dimension. I became an endless stream of symbolism. Pyramids, gold, enlightened and the concept of a trinity were all strongly evident. Eventually I came back to the meditation room. We had an open communication section and people were very intrigued to hear about my experience. The lady who was running the class could actually see me, it was rather strange. She was very aware and able to wrap complex concepts into easy to decipher stories. Things were wrapping up and we all went and got falafel - I just got a tea.

I headed off on my own on a mission to find KitKat club. When I got to the place there was a few younger people standing outside (obviously declined entry). I walked up to the door and stood around I guess looking fairly vacant as my mind was elsewhere. I was let in and realised there was actually a very strict door policy. Basically they could tell who was open to what they were about to experience. As I walked through coat check I could see people wear hardly anything and others who were dressed ‘normal’. I was instantly captivated by the art work. There were amazing paintings of very sexual scenes. They often showed the power balance between bender roles. One example was a girl sitting on top of a black rabbit dangling a carrot about his head. She was naked and was also getting fucked by the rabbit. It evoked some interesting thoughts about how so many relationships are based on a give/take, submissive/dominant mentality. This brought me back to the ‘two worlds’ idea earlier in my trip. I didn’t feel overly connected with anyone, it was like they were all scuttling around going about their game and I was sitting back and observing them. I know that this mentality was just me playing my own version of the game. I knew my sexual senses had woken up and I was looking for the right person. The bathrooms were a crazy story. It was mixed gender and it was very acceptable to fuck in them. At any one time most cubicles were occupied with some form of sexual activity. There was a strong LGBT vibe and also hetrosexual people doing there thing. During my visits to the bathroom the sounds reminded me of a purging. It sounded like people vomiting, mixed with sexual noises. It was definitely a place where people were working through repressed emotional trauma. I sat down and watched people come and go trying to hit on a group of young girls. These two black American guys were smooth, there game didn’t work but damn it had some flow. I was fairly detached and conversation was almost like talking to a brick wall unless I ‘dumbed’ down and talked about superficial trivial shit like how “OMG he was 39 and he hit on me, ewwww. Should we get a drink, OMG yassss...”. I know this was my own understanding of ‘dumb’ talk and the reality was that they had an intelligence of reality that I could not grasp or I could only maintain momentarily. I wanted to talk about the collective behaviour of the group mind and devise ways of smashing their perceived reality. I left and started the cold walk back to hostel. Walking down the misty empty street was interesting. I became the street and all of the items that populated the street (parked cars, lamp posts, houses, bins, stones etc) all became parts of me. Each thing representing a part of myself. The sleep was non existent but my body lay rested while my mind was reaching into ever fading corners of my mind.